Before the storm

I distrust calm seas. I distrust warm, clear sky, windless days; fog clinging to the horizon at sunrise; steady barometers; water silently slipping around you, leaving no wake, only gentle ripples. I distrust easy answers and apparent good fortune. I distrust inaction.

The first two days of OCS (Officer Candidate School) were a rush of flights, luggage, taxis, paperwork, barbers, rushing here and there on a campus filled with hills (and I suffered through in 3-inch heels), weigh-ins, piss tests, uniform fittings, new faces, new names, leadership assignments, and several lectures I forgot as soon as I heard. And then it stopped.

We knew Indoc week was coming. We’d heard the rumors. The oh-dark-thirty wakeups, the screaming, the midnight pushups, the drill, the stress, the room tossing, the reversion to bratty-toddler preschool status. We knew it was coming.

But that intervening weekend was preternaturally calm. We gingerly crept out to the base exchange and post office, and found nobody was tailing us, or cared where we went. We nervously ironed shirts and shined brass and polished shoes, and then the “priors” told us it wouldn’t be good enough anyway, so we stopped. We carefully hid our flashlights as we stayed up late to write letters home…and discovered nobody was watching. It was incredibly nerve-wracking, this calm before the storm.

Things are going well here. I finally have an appointment with a doctor at UCSF, next Wednesday morning, April 30th . (I’m trying not to think about the trip to Tampa I could have made: the challenges and rewards of being underway; the camaraderie; the early, early morning watches where there’s nothing but a sheet of glass between you and the star-spangled sky and the inky black sea rushing past…) I found a great apartment right where I wanted, with the perfect set of amenities; and I couldn’t ask for a better roommate. The ideal couple looks to be renting my house; I’ll know for certain this weekend. Everyone at my new unit is friendly, laid-back, hardworking, and welcoming. I’m not feeling sick and I have few responsibilities. It’s unnerving.

Because I know what’s coming.